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She saw its elegant image light up behind closed eyelids and once more she came with an intensity that blacked her out.Being away from Angique felt to Alicia like kicking a habit, cold turkey and alone, fruitlessly numbed with wine. It was hard to keep focused on her intentions. She felt like an ocean swimmer — one moment rising on a wave, seeing a distant coastline on a shimmering horizon; next moment drowning in the cold, deep green water, all purpose forgotten. But she'd rise again, gasping, spluttering, filled with the certainty that one day she might be over there again, feeling at home, being accepted by her neighbors and friends — hugging the dull but so very safe life she'd been used to. It was what her sanity urged her to go for. But did she really want that life? If so, why did even the thought of it make her lose confidence? Where did this feeling of incompleteness come from? Why this fear of being lonely — so very lonely?While struggling she was appalled by her repeating. For every right triangle, the sum of the squares of the legs equals the square of the hypotenuses.’ The repetition of numbers was incredibly effective. She repeated them silently, burning them into the floor of her brain. I judged her just about ready, and decided to try and put her deeper. she was under, but I didn’t want to jerk her through the gears fast enough to snap her out of it. ‘Now, there’s many halls here. with many doors, leading to many rooms. It’s as infinite as knowledge, all you know is here, and all you will know will fit. there’s another floor below this one, a warehouse of the everyday thoughts that don’t need rooms, or halls, or walls. Deeper than that, below the surface of your thoughts is your heart. It beats with blood, but it also holds emotions. everything you feel is down here, and everything you will learn to feel.’ She didn’t respond at all. She was too deep under, entranced by this hitherto unknown vastness within her. ‘You haven’t even scratched the.
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